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George Carlin:

    Something else I'm getting tired of in this country is all this stupid talk
    I have to listen to about children. That's all you hear about anymore,
    children: "Help the children, save the children, protect the children." You
    know what I say? Fuck the children!

    They're getting entirely too much attention. And I know what some of you are
    thinking: " Jesus, he's not going to attack children, is he?" Yes he is!
    He's going to attack children. And remember, this is Mr. Conductor talking;
    I know what I'm talking about.

    And I also know that all you boring single dads and working moms, who think
    you're such fucking heros, aren't gonna like this, but somebody's gotta tell
    you for your own good: your children are overrated and overvalued, and
    you've turned them into little cult objects. You have a child fetish, and
    it's not healthy. And don't give me all that weak shit, "Well, I love my
    children." Fuck you! Everybody loves their children; it doesn't make you
    special. : : : John Wayne Gacy loved his children. Yes, he did. That's not
    what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is this constant, mindless
    yammering in the media, this neurotic fixation that suggests that somehow
    everything--everything--has to revolve around the lives of children. Ist's
    completely out of balance.

    Listen, there are a couple of things about kids you have to remember. First
    of all, they're not all cute. In fact, if you look at 'em real close, most
    of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too
    good either. The little ones in particular seem to have a kind of urine and
    sour-milk combination that I don't care for at all. Stay with me on this
    folks, the sooner you face it the better off your going to be.

    Second, premise: not all chidren are smart and clever. Got that? Kids are
    like any other group of people: a few winners, a whole lot of losers! This
    country is filled with loser kids who simply...aren't...going anywhere! And
    there's nothing you can do about it, folks. Nothing! You can't save them
    all. You can't do it. You gotta let 'em go; you gotta cut 'em loose; you
    gotta stop over-protecting them, because your making 'em too soft.

    Today's kids are way too soft. : : : For one thing, there's too much
    emphasis on safety and safety equipment: childproof medicine bottles,
    fireproof pajamas, child restraints, car seats. And helmets! Bicycle,
    baseball, skateboard, scooter helmets. Kids have to wear helmets now for
    everything but jerking off. Grown-ups have taken all the fun out of being a
    kid. : : : What's happened is, these baby boomers, these soft, fruity baby
    boomers, have raised an entire generation of soft, fruity kids who aren't
    even allowed hazardous toys, for Chrissakes! What ever happened to natural
    selection? Survival of the fittest? The kid who swallows too many marbles
    doesn't grow up to have kids of his own. Simple stuff. Nature knows best!

    Another bunch of ignorant bullshit about your children: school uniforms. Bad
    theory! The idea that if kids wear uniforms to school, it helps keep order.
    Hey! Don't these schools do enough damage makin' all these children think
    alike? Now they're gonna get 'em to look alike, too? : : : And it's not even
    a new idea; I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard
    to understand, because the narration was in German! But the uniforms looked
    beautiful. And the children did everything they were told and never
    questioned authority. Gee, I wonder why someone would want to put our
    children in uniforms. Can't imagine.

    And one more item about children: this superstitous nonsense of blaming
    tobacco companies for kids who smoke. Listem! Kids don't smoke because a
    camel in sunglasses tells them to. They smoke for the same reasons adults
    do, because it's an enjoyable activity that relieves anxiety and depression.

    And you'd be anxious and depressed too if you had to put up with these
    pathetic, insecure, yuppie parents who enroll you in college before you've
    figured out which side of the playpen smells the worst and then fill you
    with Ritalin to get you in a mood they approve of, and drag you all over
    town in search of empty, meaningless structure: Little League, Cub Scouts,
    swimming, soccer, karate, piano, bagpipes, watercolors, witchcraft, glass
    blowing, and dildo practice. It's absurd. : : : They even have "play dates",
    for Christ sake! Playing is now done by appointment! But it's true. A lot of
    these striving, and parents are burning their kids out on structure. I think
    what every child needs and ought to have every day is two hours of
    daydreaming. Plain old daydreaming.

    Turn off the internet, the CD-ROMS, and the computer games and let them
    stare at a tree for a couple of hours. Every now and then they actually come
    up with one of their own ideas. You want to know how to help your kids?
    Leave them the fuck alone.